“Why is this thus? What is the reason of this thusness?”
Artemus Ward
NonsenseQuestions
Funny Quotes
200 FAMOUS QUOTES · FUNNY
Funny Quotes
Read 200 of the funniest quotes ever from Mark Twain, Oscar Wilde, Benjamin Franklin, Ambrose Bierce and more. Witty, clever and guaranteed to make you smile.
“Th' supreme coort follows th' iliction returns.”
Finley Peter Dunne
PoliticsLaw
“Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it.”
Kin Hubbard
MoneyMarriage
“Some folks can look so busy doing nothin' that they seem indispensable.”
Kin Hubbard
WorkLazy
“He's simply got the instinct for being unhappy highly developed.”
Saki
PessimismWitty
“The people of Crete unfortunately make more history than they can consume locally.”
Saki
HistoryWitty
“Every man over forty is a scoundrel.”
George Bernard Shaw
AgeSarcasm
“I don't want to talk grammar, I want to talk like a lady.”
George Bernard Shaw
LanguageManners
“Journalism consists largely in saying 'Lord Jones Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.”
G. K. Chesterton
JournalismNews
"I don't think -" "Then you shouldn't talk," said the Hatter.”
Lewis Carroll
NonsenseTalking
“Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.”
Lewis Carroll
MoralsNonsense
“Things are seldom what they seem, skim milk masquerades as cream.”
W. S. Gilbert
AppearancesWitty
“When everyone is somebody, then no one's anybody.”
W. S. Gilbert
CleverIrony
“There was an Old Man with a beard, who said, 'It is just as I feared! Two Owls and a Hen, four Larks and a Wren, have all built their nests in my beard!'”
Edward Lear
LimerickNonsense
“Men and melons are hard to know.”
Benjamin Franklin
PeopleWitty
“Never take a wife till thou hast a house (and a fire) to put her in.”
Benjamin Franklin
MarriageAdvice
“Nothing is more hopeless than a scheme of merriment.”
Samuel Johnson
PartiesIrony
“He was a bold man that first ate an oyster.”
Jonathan Swift
FoodCourage
“Single women have a dreadful propensity for being poor - which is one very strong argument in favour of matrimony.”
Jane Austen
MarriageMoney
“It is a melancholy truth that even great men have their poor relations.”
Charles Dickens
FamilyWitty
“Thou art a boil, a plague sore.”
William Shakespeare
InsultsShakespeare
“I do desire we may be better strangers.”
William Shakespeare
InsultsWitty
“More of your conversation would infect my brain.”
William Shakespeare
InsultsTalking
“Weather, n. The climate of an hour.”
Ambrose Bierce
WeatherDefinitions
“Nothing is so ignorant as a man's left hand, except a lady's watch.”
Mark Twain
WittyTime