“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
Mark Twain
ProcrastinationFunny
Humor Quotes
200 FAMOUS QUOTES · HUMOR
Humor Quotes
Read the best humor quotes on laughter, wit and seeing the funny side of life from Mark Twain, Chesterton, Shaw, Shakespeare, Lewis Carroll and more.
“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.”
Mark Twain
Independent ThinkingWit
“Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.”
Mark Twain
Human NatureFunny
“Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.”
Mark Twain
ActionWit
“I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.”
Oscar Wilde
Human NatureFunny
“Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.”
George Bernard Shaw
KnowledgeWit
“Never invoke the gods unless you really want them to appear. It annoys them very much.”
G. K. Chesterton
FunnyWit
“Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.”
G. K. Chesterton
IronyFunny
“There is a great deal of difference between an eager man who wants to read a book and the tired man who wants a book to read.”
G. K. Chesterton
ReadingWit
“The rule is, jam tomorrow and jam yesterday, but never jam today.”
Lewis Carroll
NonsenseFunny
“Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of themselves.”
Lewis Carroll
WisdomWordplay
“I am the very model of a modern Major-General.”
W. S. Gilbert
Comic SongsFunny
“Life is a long lesson in humility.”
J. M. Barrie
HumilityLife
“When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford.”
Samuel Johnson
City LifeWit
“I was adored once too.”
William Shakespeare
FunnyShort Quotes
“He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him.”
The Bible (Proverbs 27:14)
MorningsFunny
“It is naught, it is naught, saith the buyer: but when he is gone his way, then he boasteth.”
The Bible (Proverbs 20:14)
ShoppingFunny
“He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears.”
The Bible (Proverbs 26:17)
Minding Your BusinessFunny
“It is one thing to say that something should be done, but quite another to do it.”
Aesop
ActionFables
“By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.”
Socrates
MarriageFunny
“We live, not as we wish to, but as we can.”
Menander
LifeRealism
“There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it.”
Cicero
PhilosophyWit
“In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.”
Desiderius Erasmus
WitPerspective
“I go to seek a Great Perhaps.”
Francois Rabelais
AdventureLast Words
“The proof of the pudding is in the eating.”
Miguel de Cervantes
ResultsProverbs