W. C. Fields Quotes

“Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.”

“A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.”

“I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.”

“If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.”

“Abstaining is favourable both to the head and the pocket.”

“I once spent a year in Philadelphia; I think it was on a Sunday.”

“Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.”

“I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do.”

“The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.”

“I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.”

“The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.”