Humour Quotes

“I hate birthdays.”

“Everyone has an idea that they think would be a great movie. Everyone has a cousin who they think you should work with.”

“I really like just super dry comedy.”

“I had a very funny family.”

“Everybody wants attention, more or less. I just want a lot.”

“If you love attention and have a pretty decent voice, that's a pretty good combination.”

“History is important but... I just wanna sing Beyonce songs all day long in front of a mirror.”

“If I'm playing with Ozzy it's just a guitar thing. But with the vocals I feel like I'm studying for the SATs.”

“I've messed myself up more playing music than when I played football.”

“I screwed my knee up once because I fell off the stage.”

“I'm a good Catholic boy.”

“I collect a lot of cursed objects. That's probably why I have a lot of problems.”

“I don't need a huge pit bull to tell me I'm tough.”

“When I think of the books I love, there's always a little laughter in the dark.”

“I mean, I like to consider myself a reasonably athletic guy.”

“I could probably give you a list of a dozen pet peeves I have about my own physicality and why I couldn't get a second date.”

“I'm not the best at video games, but I play them a lot.”

“If I wasn't a pro-athlete, I would probably eat any dessert dish every day!”

“Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.”

“I can get away with anything. But when I try to be sincere, people just roll their eyes.”

“I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.”

“My real last name is Galifianakisburg.”

“As you get older, you see the world at a different angle, maybe more cynically, but I just bury my anger.”

“I've been wanting kids for 10 years. I'd love to adopt, have them naturally - all of it. I want, like, 15.”

“I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese.”