Irony Quotes

"I know this sounds ridiculous, but I'm not much of a fighter."

"I don't like to talk about myself."

"I am one of the few honest people that I have ever known."

F. Scott Fitzgerald

"Do not weep, maiden, for war is kind."

Stephen Crane

"My factories may make an end of war sooner than your congresses."

Alfred Nobel

"Water, water, every where, Nor any drop to drink."

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

“You can't say civilisation don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.”

“You can't say civilisation don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way, and in every invention they make life a bit easier.”

“I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette.”

“The most brilliant satire of all time was "A Modest Proposal" by Jonathan Swift. You'll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out.”

“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.”

“When the gods wish to punish us they answer our prayers.”

“I've said it before: war brings out the patriotic bullies. In World War I, they went around kicking dachshunds on the grounds that dachshunds were "German dogs." They did not, however, go around kicking German shepherds.”

“I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.”

“All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it.”

“There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.”

“The more I love humanity in general, the less I love man in particular.”

“Plenty of hope, an infinite amount of hope, but not for us.”

"That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons of history."

“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.”

Margaret Mead

“I always advise people never to give advice.”

P. G. Wodehouse