Satire Quotes

"Truthful, adj. Dumb and illiterate."

Ambrose Bierce

"War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength."

George Orwell

"The war is not meant to be won, it is meant to be continuous."

George Orwell

"It is forbidden to kill; therefore all murderers are punished unless they kill in large numbers and to the sound of trumpets."

Voltaire

"The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on."

Joseph Heller

"Peace, n. In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting."

Ambrose Bierce

"Diplomacy, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country."

Ambrose Bierce

"You can't say civilization don't advance – in every war they kill you in a new way."

"Every election is a sort of advance auction sale of stolen goods."

H. L. Mencken

"Politics, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles."

Ambrose Bierce

"An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought."

Simon Cameron

"Politics is the diversion of trivial men who, when they succeed at it, become important in the eyes of more trivial men."

George Jean Nathan

"Two things only the people anxiously desire – bread and circuses."

Juvenal

"Under democracy one party always devotes its chief energies to trying to prove that the other party is unfit to rule – and both commonly succeed, and are right."

H. L. Mencken

"A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country."

Texas Guinan

"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as you please."

Mark Twain

"Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."

Douglas Adams

“Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as Prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest people on Earth.”

“The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.”

“The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.”

“If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.”

“Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.”

“No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we should test people for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.”

“The most brilliant satire of all time was "A Modest Proposal" by Jonathan Swift. You'll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out.”

“You can't shame or humiliate modern celebrities. What used to be called shame and humiliation is now called publicity.”