“The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.”P. J. O'Rourke
American - Political Satirist & Author|November 14, 1947 - February 15, 2022

50 FAMOUS QUOTES · POLITICAL SATIRIST & AUTHOR
P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
Read 50 of the funniest P. J. O'Rourke quotes on government, politics, family, life and human nature from the American political satirist and author.
“The difference between American parties is actually simple. Democrats are in favour of higher taxes to pay for greater spending, while Republicans are in favour of greater spending, for which the taxpayers will pay.”P. J. O'Rourke
“People say, "Oh, politics is so polarised today," and I'm thinking... "1861, that was polarised."P. J. O'Rourke
“Politics is the attempt to achieve power and prestige without merit.”P. J. O'Rourke
“The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.”P. J. O'Rourke
“Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.”P. J. O'Rourke
“If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.”P. J. O'Rourke
“When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.”P. J. O'Rourke
“Term limits aren't enough. We need jail.”P. J. O'Rourke
“Once you've built the big machinery of political power, remember you won't always be the one to run it.”P. J. O'Rourke
“Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.”P. J. O'Rourke
“Raise hell. I want y'all to get out there and raise hell about damned near everything. My word, there's a world out there that needs fixing. Get out there and get after it.”P. J. O'Rourke
“There is a simple rule here, a rule of legislation, a rule of business, a rule of life: beyond a certain point, complexity is fraud.”P. J. O'Rourke
“The best and brightest don't go into politics. The best and brightest are at Goldman Sachs.”P. J. O'Rourke
“No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we should test people for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.”P. J. O'Rourke
“There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences.”P. J. O'Rourke
“The idea of capitalism is not just success but also the failure that allows success to happen.”P. J. O'Rourke
“Globalisation is simply opening the free marketplace to encompass the entire world.”P. J. O'Rourke
“Hubris is one of the great renewable resources.”P. J. O'Rourke
“Seriousness is stupidity sent to college.”P. J. O'Rourke
“Humour is, by its nature, more truthful than factual.”P. J. O'Rourke
“To mistrust science and deny the validity of scientific method is to resign your job as a human. You'd better go look for work as a plant or wild animal.”P. J. O'Rourke
“The most brilliant satire of all time was "A Modest Proposal" by Jonathan Swift. You'll notice how everything got straightened out in Ireland within days of that coming out.”P. J. O'Rourke
“You can't shame or humiliate modern celebrities. What used to be called shame and humiliation is now called publicity.”P. J. O'Rourke
“Richard Nixon was the best thing that ever happened to journalism. Just when you thought he could get no worse, he got worse.”P. J. O'Rourke
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About P. J. O'Rourke
American - Political Satirist & Author | November 14, 1947 - February 15, 2022
P. J. O'Rourke (November 14, 1947 – February 15, 2022) was an American political satirist, journalist and author, born in Toledo, Ohio. After studying at Miami University and Johns Hopkins, he became editor-in-chief of the humour magazine *National Lampoon* in the 1970s, then spent years as foreign affairs reporter for *Rolling Stone*, covering wars and world politics with his trademark wit.
O'Rourke wrote more than 20 books, including the bestsellers *Parliament of Whores*, *Give War a Chance*, *Holidays in Hell* and *Eat the Rich*. His libertarian-leaning humour poked fun at politicians of all parties and at big government in general, and he was a regular panellist on NPR's comedy quiz show *Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!* He died at his home in New Hampshire at the age of 74. Here are 50 P. J. O'Rourke quotes.
Frequently asked questions
Quick answers about P. J. O'Rourke and these famous quotes.
Who was P. J. O'Rourke?
P. J. O'Rourke was an American political satirist, journalist and author, known for his sharp, funny books on politics, government and world affairs. He was editor of *National Lampoon* and a foreign correspondent for *Rolling Stone*.
What is Parliament of Whores about?
*Parliament of Whores* (1991) is O'Rourke's humorous look at how the U.S. government works, from Congress to the federal budget. It became a *New York Times* bestseller and is one of his most famous books.
What were P. J. O'Rourke's political views?
O'Rourke described himself as libertarian-leaning and was sceptical of big government. Even so, he mocked politicians of all parties, and his humour was enjoyed by readers across the political spectrum.
Was P. J. O'Rourke on Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me?
Yes. He was a frequent panellist on NPR's weekly news quiz show *Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!* for many years.
What does P. J. stand for?
P. J. stood for Patrick Jake. His full name was Patrick Jake O'Rourke.
When did P. J. O'Rourke die?
P. J. O'Rourke died on February 15, 2022, at his home in Sharon, New Hampshire, at the age of 74.