Observational Quotes

“It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”

Jerry Seinfeld

“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”

“Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.”

Charles Dudley Warner

“Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.”

“I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?”

Jerry Seinfeld

“According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.”

Jerry Seinfeld

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

“An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs.”

“Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.”

“There's no such thing as fun for the whole family.”

Jerry Seinfeld

“I'm astounded by people who want to "know" the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.”

Woody Allen

“If it's the Psychic Network, why do they need a phone number?”