Humour Quotes

“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

“Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical.”

“Nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.”

“It gets late early out there.”

“I never said most of the things I said.”

“Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.”

“Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.”

“You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.”

“A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.”

“I just want to thank everyone who made this day necessary.”

“If people don't want to come out to the ballpark, nobody's gonna stop 'em.”

“We made too many wrong mistakes.”

“We have deep depth.”

“I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat and if it keeps up, I change bats.”

“I usually take a two-hour nap from one to four.”

“It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much.”

“You wouldn't have won if we'd beaten you.”

“I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.”

“Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.”

“The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.”

“There are some people who, if they don't already know, you can't tell 'em.”

“If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.”

“I wish I had an answer to that because I'm tired of answering that question.”

“So I'm ugly. So what? I never saw anyone hit with his face.”

“I'm lucky. Usually you're dead to get your own museum, but I'm still alive to see mine.”