Larry David Quotes

“I'm really only happy when I'm on stage. I just feed off the energy of the audience. That's what I'm all about: people and laughter.”

“Once I know people know who I am, it gives me a lot of licence and freedom to behave in ways I wouldn't normally.”

“I'm surprised sometimes at how some of my actions are misinterpreted.”

“Every relationship is just so tenuous and precarious.”

“Millions of people are married. I've never picked up a paper and seen a headline that says, "Man Gets Married!"

“I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, "Hey, I've still got it."

“I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life. Albeit inadvertently.”

“I don't like to make a big splash anyway.”

“If I wasn't a golfer, I would still be miserable, but not as miserable.”

“I think golf is literally an addiction. I'm surprised there's not a Golf Anonymous.”

“Anything that's for free, people will take. They don't discriminate.”

“I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.”

“Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea.”

“Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer.”

“The lunch in a normal American restaurant is very problematic for me. I don't like to have hot food for lunch.”

“I learned the first night that IHOP's not the place to order fish.”

“All of a sudden I discovered that I'm allergic to caviar. It was the perfect metaphor for my life. When I was only able to afford bad caviar, I could certainly eat my fill of it.”

“I'm still driving a Prius, yeah.”

“My defensiveness in life really helps me as a driver.”

“When I was living in New York, there was a lot of screaming in my life. I would just get into these altercations all the time, dealing with shopkeepers, just trying to cross the street.”

“People don't yell nasty things at actors; they let them continue.”

“In those days, reserve duty lasted for six years, although to be perfectly honest, I was unable to fulfil my entire obligation because I was taking acting classes and they said I could skip my last year.”

“Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.”

“Women love a self-confident bald man.”

“I believe in something.”